Thursday, July 31, 2008


Bryan's Story
My name is Bryan. I was 23 and had met and come to know and like a 15 year old young lady that was introduced to me by her mother.. We talked on the phone a lot and she came to my apartment on several occasions to watch movies. We liked each other and discussed dating. I was reluctant at first, but then it came full circle. She was very persistent and aggressive. We eventually had sex in my apartment.
I didn’t really think anything of what we had done because I was infatuated with this girl, and vice versa. I was surprised when confronted by her mom because she was aware of every time that we were together. Also, her mom knew everything about me, such as my age, job, etc.
Well, long story short, I was interviewed by a detective very shortly after the confrontation. I was raised to tell the truth, so that's what I did. I totally admitted to having sex with her...again not thinking I could seriously get in trouble for having consensual sex with a girl that I was in a relationship with. I felt that if a bad choice had been made, we had BOTH made that choice.
Boy was I wrong. After the detective took my statement, everything started rolling downhill. I was charged with Sexual Assault of a Child. I took a plea bargain of 6 months in jail, 10 years deferred probation, and a lifetime registration as a sex offender. I am required to attend a sex offender class every week. Also, yearly, I must take a polygraph, update my driver’s licence and register my sex offender status.
All of this has come upon me from admitting to having CONSENSUAL sex with a girl that, the law says, is not capable of making that decision on her own. How is that?
I have already completed the 6 month jail term. I am currently attending my classes, and going to my probation meetings. All the while, I am paying for EVERYTHING and working to complete the 240 hours of community service that was an additional part of my punishment. I am scared to change jobs or move to another apartment, or house, because of my sex offender label. I cannot enjoy activities like shooting pool at the local pool hall, or playing poker while drinking a beer because the probation conditions for"sex offenders" are very strict. These are the things I very much enjoy doing, but am not willing to chance a prison term for probation violations.
I’m concerned about the upcoming baby of mine that is due in August because at this time, I will not able to spend the night in the same house as my son or any minor under the age of 18. I’m worried about how this will affect my son. How will he be able to deal with the mistake I made at a young age?
This is my story. I am handling this as best I can. I don’t know what else I can do. I take it on a day by day basis and nothing more. I hope this story reaches someone and helps prevent them from making the mistakes I have made.
Thank you


scarter said...

How many young men are on the sex offender list that are not a true danger? (alot and find out) I thought the list was created so that someone like me would be able to see where the danger to my children maybe. I would not consider Byran a sexual danger to me or my child. Why would someone that had a relationship with his girlfriend be considered a sexual offender? Why would he need to on the list for life and not until his sentence is servered? How can a 16 year old not be responsible for their own choice? None of this makes since to me. We are ruining the lives of young men with a law that has such a wide spread gray area. The age of consent law is stupid and must be reformed. Show me a 16 year old that thinks they are not able to make their own decisions for their life. I could go on and on but no good would come of it. We need to watch, teach and guide our children in their lives so that they can make responsible choices for themselves. We need to be careful not to trust that the law has our best interest in hand. Ignorance of the law is the worst enemy but having laws that are so open to different interpretations leaves us with a sex offenders list that gives people a false since of security when we have people who are on the list just because of their age difference. Suzi

Lunarshape said...

Hey Bryan.
I strongly feel you are being unjustly punished for having consensual sex. Although, having sex with someone underage is inappropriate, it is a far cry from rape!
These corrupt laws desperately need reform based on FACTS instead of hysteria. Many good lives are ruined.
I honestly don't believe you are a "danger" to anyone and should be removed from the registry so you can finally move on with your life.

cf said...

I just would like to say that Bryan is my son and since this blog spotted my son has become a parent for the first time. He has a son and he is prohibited from seeing him. My grandson is a month old and Bryan has not even got to so much as look at him. Bonding is out of the question. I would love to ask a psychologist how this will affect my son and grandson. It has been determined that Bryan has normal sex drives and he is no danger to anyone, so how is it that he is not allowed to be a dad? There are many parents out there who should not have children, my son is not one of those. Thanks for your comments.

Anonymous said...

A 15-year-old girl is not old enough to make a well-thought-out decision to have sex with a guy your age. I hope that you knew it was wrong on some level. For a man to take advantage (whether you choose to characterize it as that, that's what it is) of a girl that young, no matter if the sex was consensual, is wrong. Wake up.

Matthew said...

Im in a very similar situation Bryan, I'm so sorry about yours. Not much will be different until the public gets educated, and right now, they won't even LISTEN! I wish I had something to say that would make things easier. If you believe in God, I reccomend leaning on your faith, because it's only through faith that we can make good of bad situations, hence Romans 8:28... God bless you!!

jc said...

suzyleeann There are millions of young ladies that married when they were 15 or 16 and knew full well what they were doing. I myself am 8 years younger than my husband and have been married over 30 years. What you are saying is just not true. Young women today are wise to the ways of the world and know what they want.

Anonymous said...

jc: People like you concern me.